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What can I say about one of the worst days in my whole friggin' life?

One of which dates all way back just recently, to February 5, 2016, the day that my class goes to show off with all they've got and all they can in the Chants and Cheers Competition for the School of Multimedia and Arts in Asia Pacific College.

This is the very day that I would've died to remember over and over again that horrid day that nearly destroyed my reputation not only as a good student in college but also a person who thrives for the better future.

You want to know why? Because I was never on it!

That's right! I never get to be a part of the whole damn thing! You'll know soon enough why.

The Chants and Cheers Competition for the SoMA was announced in the middle of January this year but our class section, ABMA152, only started to rehearse their own cheer for the competition by late January. By that point and at the very start, I always knew nothing good could come out of rushed procrastination, especially in a big performance such as this. But I did not lose hope for my fellow classmates and friends. There was still a possibility of victory though, even if it was very slim. We would go against all odds just to show that we can do it and win.

Under the guide of the cheer class leader Alwin, we made various scraps and drafts to prepare for our big cheer. Props and costumes were allowed, voice enthusiasm was required and the cheer was supposed to be three to five minutes. The problem was that we started quite later than the other sections of SoMA. That could really affect our final performance in the coming contest and it was not going to be very good. Fortunately, to give us a chance to prepare, our teachers cancelled their class schedules to make way for our rehearsal.

But then came the annoying part of the practice. The lyrics for the cheer constantly kept changing and that confused us. We had no props set up whatsoever and we haven't decided on our costumes just yet. As of this moment, we still had no proper formation and locomotive movements up until the end of January.

On January 23, that Saturday, I invited my friends over to my house in Parañaque City to practice for our class cheer. It was still cluttered and confusing, but later, we managed to fix things apart. I even suggested some things to be added for our cheer. I at least contributed for the structure of our cheer. When one of my friends told me to bring a purple shirt, which is a costume that I suggested, I asked my dad to bring one for me when the time comes.

By the start of February, things started to reek as the frustrating part of the rehearsal came. We still had to develop formations and movements for our cheer. And we did, but it was rushed. We still had no props. At least, we managed to practice the whole thing before we could proceed with the final act. At that time, the final draft for our chant was complete and we had no time left to lose, so we tried literally our very best to persevere. But since this chant was crammed beyond relief, part of me thought that this would go nowhere.

The 5th of February came. It was Friday, but I had no idea when the Competition would start. I heard that we would have a final rehearsal as soon as possible. I woke up late at 8:40 in the morning, left the house by 9:00 and my dad drove me all the way from Parañaque to Makati through Skyway, which then Fate decided to play a cruel prank at me by loading the road with clogged traffic and we couldn't get there on time. Even worse, my dad completely forgot to bring me a purple shirt for the contest. As usual, it's perks of being half a century old and road to becoming a senior citizen.

As I got to school by 9:30, I rushed to the top/twelfth floor of the building onto the auditorium where the competition was being held, hoping that I could make it on time. I asked one of my classmates if we were about to perform next.

But, unfortunately, I was too late.

I was told that my classmates just finished performing their chant awhile ago, without me!

Seriously, can you find me in this picture?

This was the last straw for me. I had a very important role for that cheer and it was just wasted. I yelled bull and stormed off the building to go back home and skip the rest of my day at school, because that was when I felt I was useless and incompetent with nothing to offer about whatsoever. If I have no purpose to play for the most important part of the day, why should I have purpose to play my part for the rest of the day?

It would've been more shameful if my class became runner-up or champion, which they didn't. No, the winner of the competition is ECE151. And yes, I have witnessed that cheer myself which came after my class. They provided a lot for their cheer. They had props, costumes, unity, determination, enthusiasm and many other factors that they have which we don't.

Their "VICTORY" banner pretty much sums it all up.

But what can I expect? I am a person who doesn't always associate with others. I'm more of a lone wolf. I didn't always cooperate during the rehearsal, but at times, I also got myself to my senses. Don't get me wrong, I like to make friends with people.

To top it all off, I felt like that all the efforts I put for this cheers were just completely wasted for absolutely nothing. The only chance I have to prove that I am great in my own way, I blew it. I felt like trash. I felt like of a piece of sheet paper. I felt blank the rest of the day. But I was hoping I'd be given grades for contributing for this cheer, even though I was not there when my friends' performance was up. I was not just a loser on that competition because I missed the greatest opportunity that I could have mustered upon. I am loser in life, because there is nothing intuitive about what I'm doing anymore. Because I am lone wolf. Because I care less about anything.

Everytime I think of that extremely humiliating day that embarrassed my reputation totally, I banged my head on the wall repeatedly and screamed to the heavens, yelling the same words as one of the Jesus' seven last words: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Making one of the biggest blunders of my life, the date February 5, 2016 would be one of the worst days of my life.

To finish this blog post anyway, not that I want to, I conclude with a question:

What was the worst day of your life?

I could just kill myself looking at this freaking picture, knowing I'll miss every important event in my life.